on a lonely wednesday night

Unknowingly, it has been 1 year 1 month.

And perhaps, I have gotten over you?

A question mark- another and another.

It has been a busy year and even now in the holidays, I am still waking up at 6.30am everyday for Footdrill. It feels great, knowing that all the rat race has made your image so fuzzy in my mind. It doesn't feel so great after a while, when after all the hectic rush-here-rush-there, when at the end of the day when I slump onto my bed in exhaustion, your image comes back. Little by little, your memories start weighing down on me. Sometimes, I try to shake it all out. But as you can see, nothing works.

I don't want to forget you, don't want to forget all that we had been through. But if I don't, can I really move on? If I forget you, will I still remember all you had done for me and cherish what I still have now?

I miss you. Terribly.

Why, does it have to hurt so much?

Someday, when your image no longer comes back to me and when I can no longer remember you, will I be considered "free"?

That is, one day, if it ever happens.

feeling cold

Footdrill everyday has been rather exhausting. But I guess I am adapting to it well enough. At least almost everyone comes everyday. No more nonsense of any junior saying "Oh, I have no transport so I can't come." or "I don't know.". Yay. I guess those in FDC itself are really those that excel not only in drills, but also common sense and integrity. (: As for the rest, wells, shall just hope they will reform by next year, though I doubt anyone will be heck caring those ponners anyways, since we will all be gearing up for the big day in March, haha.

I really hope I get well from whatever illness I am suffering now soon enough, or by the time I fly off on the 7th December. I have been feeling real cold. ): I slept with the thickest jacket in my wardrobe and wrapped myself in my blanket like a dumpling yesterday night because I was like freezing. ): Plus, my voice is like going and coming. Bad bad bad.

Homework load is astounding, though I think I need someone to confirm with me the homework because I think I have underestimated the teachers.

Argh, I need to find some time off to go buy stuff and get ready for my China trip. Oh, the whatever place I am going to is actually snowing now so by the time I reach there in December, the temperature will be like negative? And the travel agency actually said the place is an 'land of eternal spring'. Yeah, right. My mother is whining everyday to my father about how cold it will be and all that, haha. Oh, this year will be my 13th, 14th 15th and 16th city in China I am visiting. I can set a record.

I should be crazy now and start on my 1500-word Chinese thesis on being environmental friendly.

freak this.

I spent freaking one hour trying to fix my Internet connection, then one and a half hour trying to fix my keyboard when it suddenly died, half an hour calling up people frantically beforehand because I thought my keyboard had died for good, 15 minutes calling up my juniors and begging them to join FDC (how pathetic of me), one hour doing the stupid confirmation list for Siew Mai (she insisted it be sent tonight, like wth) and calling up people to confirm their full names (why most people never freaking bothered to put their full names down in the nominal rolls is something I couldn't comprehend), 15 minutes to do the updated training dates, 15 minutes to slowly find all 2o email addresses and send and 5 minutes banging my phone because it suddenly blacked out.

That equates to 4 hours 50 minutes. Oh, I managed to gobble down my dinner, which consisted of savoury Japanese rice with egg with onions and fried fish (sorry don't know the correct term) from Niko Niko (the best Japanese meal I have ever eaten) and a really sinful chicken pie from some bakery in less than 10 minutes just to rush all this RC stuff. Tell me, should I be happy now?

Nopes, I am pissed.

):

Having a really horrible and terrible sore throat that just won't go away. ):
And it hurts.

Going to buy new spectacles tomorrow and maybe watching movie with family. Sending off Tu Linh on Sunday with Linda, Isabel, Jiaping and Priscilla.

Yay, my social life is finally slowly coming back.

And I am angry now because someone in my family finished the Strepsils without refilling it. So now I can only rely on Hacks, which so doesn't work at all.

Wanted to make the Footdrill Video by tonight. But stupid Ruth Lee refused to set up an Gmail account and send, and will only pass it to me in a thumbdrive on Monday. See lah, Ruth. HURMPH.

only 3% of the world's population has my dominant personality type!

Went for the DISC Profiling workshop today!

So, I have a dominant "D" personality type (the rarest type!):
->Decisive, Direct, Demanding, Dominant, Driver, Developer, Dyanamic and Determined

And a more subtle "C" personality type:
->Compliant, Competent, Correct, Calculative, Control, Cautious, Creative and Conscientious

Which, together, my personality is a "Complimentary Blend":
->Work & Task oriented, Decisive, Organised and Makes sure that work is completed

And the careers that suit me are like all super big leadership ones, like what, Directors, Military Leaders, Judges etc. Oh, MM LKY has the same dominant personality type as me too, haha.

Last day of school tomorrow, like finally. My long-awaited and needed break.

And the homework load is crazy.

after a while

I am just tired.

Fatigue totally overwhelmed me today when I returned from Footdrill training. Everyday- what a daunting word now, you think?

Physics due tomorrow.

I must keep awake.

i hope, that you are well.

I am admitting that I am missing you, right now. You must be thinking, why can't I let go. And I shall just reply you, because your presence filled my life up and without you everything is nothing.

Yes, it is you. The one and only you who didn't bade me farewell when you left, who didn't stay as you once promised, who left me all alone behind while you slowly drifted away.

And it is me. The one who has been missing you, way too much.

Today, I found solace in reading Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul Series on Friendship. I found solace in knowing that many others out there had lost someone the way I lost you. And as I read, I thought and felt.

They managed to recover from their loss.

Am I, able to, too?

Yes, the insane pain in my heart is slowly reducing to but a dull ache now. But at this rate I am going, I doubt, if I am ever going to recover.

It is possible, but is it so for me?

I honestly don't know.

That haunting date a month ago came and went without a single thought of you. I even refused to attend your event, out of fear I would be reduced to hysteric tears at the mention of your name; your memory.

But, as my mind starts to clear today, you came back. You opened the door to my consciousness and slipped back from my subconsciousness.

And now, what shall I do, with you lingering in my soul?

What can I do?

it's going to be ruined, eventually

I just found out something I should have realised earlier on.

I actually expected it- most of us did too anyways.

But I don't think anyone of us really want it to be real.

And now, this thing.

This all is going to be ruined, under our batch.

And should we thank them for letting us know?

Maybe.

But for now, I shall wait till today's First Aid Competition is over, before I discuss with the rest of the people, and decide what action we should do.

Yes, I am really disappointed. All of us too.